Dating is hard work, amiright ladies? Between all the effort it takes to weed out the lame messages and unwarranted compliments, we have to sift through a lot of creeps before allowing a man to take us out on a date. Even then, that first date can bring on a whole other bag of issues that you don’t want to deal with, causing you to ghost on the fella before your courtship goes any further.
While it can sometimes take awhile for you to determine just how wrong for you a guy truly is, it can be made easier if you learn how to spot the warning signs during those first few outings together in advance. Aside from the obvious traits of being a narcissistic, controlling, racist homophobe with a tendency to rage out at the tiniest of complications, most men hide their unusual and less desirable features from would-be partners.
If you’re tired of playing the dating game and realizing before it’s too late that you’re seeing a man you’d rather push out of a moving vehicle than have him call you his girlfriend, maybe it’s time to get strategic. Keep the loser from getting past the first date by knowing when to call it quits with these telltale signs.
16. “I Don’t Like Dogs”
It shouldn’t even some as a surprise that this hater is gonna get kicked to the curb. Not liking dogs is like not liking laughter or pizza. It’s just crazy talk. A man who likes dogs has a warm heart, is affectionate, responsible, and treats another living creature with admiration and respect. A man who doesn’t like dogs, well, they’re surely a serial killer or are dead inside. If you don’t want to have to continuously justify why you love to make new friends with every dog you meet or have him scoff at your puppy calendar with each new month, it’s best to ditch this fella before his true colours appear. No potential boyfriend is worth keeping around if it means that there will be no dog in your future together.
15. “Is The Girl From Your Profile Pic Single?”
This one is just a given. Of COURSE you’re never going to see the dude who is more interested in your hot friend than he is of you! No woman should shrug this question off and allow the man to enjoy another evening with her, and if she does, then she’s desperate, insecure, or extremely oblivious. Any of those qualities should be fixed well before entering a new relationship so that a woman knows her worth. So if your date shows interest in your friend before he’s even met her, you can bet that he’ll never be granted that privilege. The last thing you need is a boyfriend who would rather be with your bestie than you.
14. “Can We Talk About Jesus?”
If you wanted to be recruited into the church, you’d go join a bunch of Jesus-lovers at a local Meetup or respond to an ad seeking religious females. If you and your date happened to have matched up on ChristianMingle.com, then maybe this question wouldn’t quite come out of left field. Although, even if you are a religious person, it doesn’t mean that you want to spend your whole night talking about Jesus. If there is anything Christian folk want people to know more about than God, it’s the fact that they have many more layers to their personality. So instead of dropping the J-word on the first date, maybe talk about other righteous topics, such as disaster relief efforts, feeding the homeless, or saving yourselves until marriage.
13. “Want To See Pictures Of My Taxidermy Collection?”
When anyone busts out their phone hoping to share their exciting memories with someone they just met, they better have a good excuse for doing it. It’s rare that someone will actually enjoy being shown an endless gallery of your backyard, adorable nephew, or your Snapchat selfies, but it’s even less appealing when their date is keeping a collection of dead animals in his home. Nah thanks. We’ll pass, on viewing the album and the likelihood of a second date. People who keep stuffed animals in their home (and not the cute and plushy ones) are the people of your nightmares. Seriously, Charles Albright (aka the Dallas Ripper or Dallas Slasher) loved taxidermy, as did Buffalo Bill and fictional character, Norman Bates. When he mentions this interest, run, don’t walk.
12. “I’ve Made Every Girl I’ve Ever Been With O In Bed”
If a man has to say this on the first date (or at any point in time, for that matter), he’s either trying way too hard or he’s a liar. You don’t want your date to be sending your mind to the gutter by force. You want it to happen naturally, when you have a successful, non-creepy first date and the mystery of his bedroom skills ends up with an invite for him to come over. Discovery makes the first of everything more exciting, so when he goes ahead and ruins it with this line – and builds potentially unrealistic expectations – it’ll be difficult for you even get in the mood, let alone play along in his egotistical fantasy. Also, if you just happen to let the curiosity get the better of you and decide to take him home for kicks, you can be sure he’ll tell you it’s your fault when he fails to deliver.
11. “I Never Got Along Well With My Mother”
There is a fine line when it comes to a man and his relationship with his mother. He can’t be too close with her, but he also can’t disrespect her. Not getting along well with his mother can indicate a whole mess of issues, the majority of which you don’t want to deal with. But the clearest takeaway that you can get when hearing these words is that he probably has issues with authority, women, or a general lack of respect for people. If he can’t get along with the woman who birthed and raised him, then he’s most likely self-centred or deeply flawed. It’s possible that there is a history of something that caused a rift in their relationship, but if he’s always been hatin’ on his mom, he may not treat you right, either.
10. “You’re Not The Type I Usually Go For”
Okay there, buddy. The last thing you need is a man who’s acting like he’s doing you a favour by being on this date with you. Whether or not his type is athletic or curvy women, women who are ambitious or lazy, or those who are brunette or blonde. It really doesn’t matter what his typical type is, but even if you’re not it, he never should admit to it. We get that someone’s type can change when they meet the right person, but hearing a statement like that can seriously ruin any chance of the relationship going anywhere. It’s a giant mindf*ck that will have the you constantly questioning if you’re good enough for him and if he’ll leave you for someone who’s more his type.
9. “I’m Thinking About Moving Far Away”
Why are you even on this date then? If a man states that he’s plotting an escape from the city you both met up in, you know that he’s only looking for one thing – your booty. Even if he doesn’t actually have concrete plans for bailing just yet, stating it on the first date just means that it will always be at the back of his mind. He wants out, so it’s probably a good time for you to get out of this match, too. Even if you both connected on the first date and hoped it could continue, having to make him settle in the city he can’t stand will cause serious resentment in him. On the other hand, you don’t want to be the chick who up and leaves her whole life to follow a man, do you? And we all know how long-distance relationships end up. Abandoned in the airport’s lost and found.
8. “Wow, You Can Eat A Lot”
That’s right, fool. Thanks for the keen observation. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that women enjoy a burger and a plate of french fries just like men do, but yet it still shocks them when we order a dessert after downing a plate of spaghetti carbonara. Heaven forbid if we pair that meal with a couple of lagers. The carbs! Think of the carbs! If a woman lives a fairly healthy lifestyle and is burning through calories on the regular, anything she eats is just fuel for her forever-burning metabolism. But even if you’re rocking a muffin top and he’s just not that into it, the last thing you need is his watchful eye and criticisms over your meal choices. However, him taking notes about your food intake is probably just the ammo you needed to ditch his judgemental a**.
7. “My Favourite Restaurants Are McDonalds & Subway”
While we’re not all angels when it comes to making healthy food choices (as we pointed out in the last entry), we do have a certain standard when it comes to dining. We’re definitely not going to turn down a foot-long meatball sub or a Big Mac combo, but we’re also not about to rank it as our ultimate “restaurant” of choice. When a man states that a fast food joint is his favourite, it tells you that he likes things fast, cheap, and easy – all qualities that you are most certainly not. Even stating a place such as a local diner or pub as his favourite is a step up from this, which at least tells you that he has the patience to withstand being served his meal and enjoy the company of another person.
6. “You’re Not A Feminist, Are You?”
Oh no he did not! Feminism is a complicated concept for most people to understand, but it is even more difficult for some men. They see it as hippie women marching for what they want, which is everything. When really, all feminism means is that the female population be treated just as equally as men are treated. Whether that means fairer wages, respect in the workplace, or not not being judged by how many men they’ve slept with. If a man isn’t on board with women’s rights, then he’s not going to be on board with you. Saying a statement like this just means that he’d prefer you to shave on the regular, cook him meals, and stay at home with the kids, all while stifling your voice and desire to be heard.
5. “I’m Not Looking For Anything Serious”
When this line is dropped mid-sip of sangria, you know this date has just been confirmed as an interview for a spot on his list of girls to text “hey” to at 2am. He’s searching for the one – or the one of many – who will satisfy his sole mission in the late hours of the evening. After he makes it obvious that he’s only searching for hookups, that’s the time to relax, let loose, and order whatever TF you want from that menu, because you no longer care about impressing this douchebag. The only time that this statement would be acceptable is if you’re both there for the same reasons, and then you can both high-five each other, pay the tab, and scedaddle into the night together.
4. “I Googled You Before Our Date”
So, this one is a little iffy because we all Google and/or search for our dates across social media before the first meeting. It’s become part of the dating ritual to determine what type of person they are and if their request to meet up will be accepted. However, saying it out loud in an out-of-the-blue, non-joking or unrelatable context, such as between bites of food or small talk, is just weird and hella awkward. It just highlights the fact that he was stalking you before you met, which can seriously creep a girl out (even though it’s not in the least bit surprising and something she also did). While it may be considered a casual anecdote for the date, it’s something we’d rather keep on the DL until we can bring it up and laugh about at a later time.
3. “My Ex Was A Straight Biatch”
When a man starts talking about his awful ex on the first date, that’s never a good sign. It either means that he’s still hung up on the chick, hasn’t fully recovered from the relationship, or he is a negative person – all bad, bad, bad. Even if his ex was hella crabby and made his life miserable, those details should surface later on in the relationship, and when he discusses it, his tone should make you believe that it’s water under the bridge. You should feel comforted by the fact that he’s completely over it and ready to move on, with you (hopefully). Opening up this dialogue on the first date clearly indicates that he’s not ready for anything serious, and even if he thinks he is, you know better.
2. “You Remind Me Of My Mom”
On the opposite end of the spectrum (and a good indication that you’re dealing with a mama’s boy) is the man whose heart belongs to one woman – his mom. It will be difficult to break the ties that this man has with the number one female in his life and to divide his time between you and her, but it would be even worse to know in the back of your mind that when he looks at you, he sees his mom. Shudder. There’s no getting over a statement like that. Even if you could consider it to be a compliment and write it off as a weird but forgivable acknowledgement, you won’t be able to forget about it when it comes time to consummate your relationship.
1. “Let’s Take A Selfie!”
Your first date with someone is a time to meet, get to know each other, and determine whether or not they’re worth a second face-to-face. Taking a selfie together on day 1 is sketchy because he a) is obsessed with himself, his phone, or getting attention, or b) is going to save that image for future activities that you don’t want to know about. It’s possible that the two of you really hit it off and he wants to capture the memory of your first date together, or maybe it’s to offset the awkward and add some comedic element to the date, but overall it’s a red flag because first date etiquette dictates not busting out your phone at all during those couple of crucial hours where you’re each trying to be on your best behaviour.